Revise the Following Poorly Written Opening of a Claim Letter

question 21

Essay

Revise the following poorly written opening of a claim letter requesting an exchange of a smartphone still under warranty. Write the opening sentence only.
My TravelerXtra smartphone was purchased from your online store on September 15, 2014, for your attractive price of $228.88 plus $24.48 shipping and handling with no service contract required. I have used my TravelerXtra for business texting, e-mailing, and phoning ever since, which was exactly what I needed it to do. Yesterday my TravelerXtra shut itself down out of the blue, and I can't use it for anything. Now I'm without a business tool and over $250, which makes me feel ripped off because I received only one month of service from this phone. When I tried to exchange it at one of your land-based stores, the clerk told me, "No way, dude. You buy online, you fly online." Now what?

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Definitions:

Bone Marrow

The soft, cellular tissue that fills the internal spaces of bones; red bone marrow in certain bones produces blood cells.

Diaphysis

The central shaft of a long bone, distinguished from the bone's broader ends or epiphyses.

Insulates

To prevent the transfer of heat, electricity, or sound into or out of something, often by covering with a material that reduces or blocks the transmission.

Temperature Extremes

Conditions where the environmental temperature is significantly higher or lower than the species' optimal range for survival.