Ned Received the Following "Flame" E-Mail from Jean, a Woman

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The Answer is First of all, it would be more appropriate to have this discussion face-to-face, using the supportive, not defensive, communication skills discussed in the text. However, if a written response is the only option of communication, Ned should not become defensive and send an equally hateful e-mail in return. Instead, he needs to try to create a more positive communication climate. Instead of placing blame by using "you statements," he should use "I statements." For example, instead of "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME!" he could say, "Jean, I am so sorry I stood you up last night. I realize I made you very angry and I meant you no disrespect. I wish you did not feel the need to attack me personally, as I did not mean to hurt you." Another technique Ned could use is to detach himself from Jean's defensiveness. By stepping back and analyzing her behavior, he reduces the chance of becoming defensive in return.

Ned Received the Following "Flame" E-Mail from Jean, a Woman

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