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William Has Drafted the Following Email Message to the HR

question 30

Essay

William has drafted the following email message to the HR manager of Hi-Tech Systems,enquiring if the company has a position open for Software Developer.Analyze the message and point out errors that will likely reduce the effectiveness of the communication.Redraft the email by following the tips for effective email messages.
From: william.chandler@mail.com
To: lily.shafton@hitechsystems.com
Subject: Need help
Hi Lily,
Thank you for your time.I am a graduate in Computer Engineering from the Sydenham College of Technology,Lawrenceville,GA.I am presently looking for a job as a software developer and am interested in working for Hi-Tech Systems.
I have been following the company for several years now,and IMHO,it is the best place for a fresher in the industry to learn and grow.Hi-Tech Systems has distinguished itself as the company to have filed for the HIGHEST NUMBER OF PATENTS in 2010! It has also been selected as EMPLOYER OF THE YEAR by leading business magazines for four years in a row.I mean,what's not to like?
I passed with honors at Sydenham and received the "MOST PROMISING STUDENT OF THE YEAR" prize at our graduation.I am a good team player and was voted leader of my student team.
PFA my résumé.Please let me know if you have a suitable position open for me.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
William Chandler


Definitions:

Fund-raising

The process of gathering voluntary contributions of money or other resources by requesting donations from individuals, businesses, charitable foundations, or governmental agencies.

Financial Performance Measurement

The process of evaluating how well a company or organization manages its income and expenses to maximize profit and ensure sustainability.

Financial Results

The outcomes of a company's operations and activities in terms of profits, losses, revenue, and expenses over a specific period.

Measure of Efficiency

Metrics and criteria used to evaluate how effectively and economically resources are utilized to achieve desired outcomes.

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